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Parenting: Anak Selalu Ingat…

Selama ini kalau Iris lari-lari pasti selalu kita bilangin: “Iris walk slowly don’t run!”. Sering sekali dia jatuh karena lari terlalu kencang ataupun keserimpet, saya selalu ulang ucapan yang sama “Iris walk slowly, don’t run..”.

Semalam ketika mandi tiba-tiba ada laba-laba di tembok sejajar dengan pandangan matanya, dan terjadilah percakapan lucu ini.
(Laba-laba di depan mata)
I: Mama, look it’s a spider!
M: oh ya!
(laba-laba naik ke atas)
M: Spider run away..
I: Spider walk walk.. don’t run!
M: LOL

Sama laba-laba aja pinter ngajarin ya.. Tapi percakapan ini sebenarnya reminder untuk saya untuk lebih hati-hati dengan ucapan karena…

SHE REMEMBER!

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Parenting: Diomelin Malah Tertawa

Diomelin malah tertawa… ya inilah anak saya, ga ada takut-takutnya. Padahal saya sudah memasang muka semarah mungkin tapi dia hanya tertawa dan melucu sendiri. Saking hopelessnya saya pun mencari di mbah Google dengan keyword: “why toddler still laugh when i discipline him”.

Artikel di bawah ini muncul di top 5 yang saya rasa cukup jelas dan masuk akal untuk diterapkan. Kalau kasus di bawah ini terjadi saat jam tidur, untuk saya sendiri selalu kejadian di waktu mandi, jam tidur juga sebenarnya lumayan challenging tapi entah kenapa anak ini sangat ‘high’ sekali setelah mandi 😦

Jadi saya akan coba menerapkan tips positive parenting ini, semoga berhasil!

Sumber: https://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/laughter-discipline

Question:

My husband and I bought your book “Positive Discipline A to Z” about two years ago and we have referred to it from time to time. It has helped here and there. However, there seems to be one thing I can’t find in the book. Our two younger children laugh when we try to discipline them. Time-outs don’t mean anything to them. They just laugh. Likewise when we try to put them to bed — every time they come out of the room and we put them back to bed, they laugh. I remember somewhere in the book where it says to firmly but gently take them back to bed, despite any crying or wailing. But our kids don’t do that. They just think it is a game and don’t want to stop playing. Even when we resort to “gentle” spanking, they laugh.

We have a bedtime routine, and try to do what your book says regarding bedtime. It doesn’t seem to work with these two.

These two children are ages 3 1/2 and 2.

Any feedback will be helpful!

Answer:

It must be aggravating to try to “get” your kids to bed…and then have them just want to play. It’s hard too, when things that “worked” for you before with your other children don’t work anymore. I have several suggestions for you, but first, I want to acknowledge you for having nurtured your children’s sense of play and humor. When I teach parenting classes a lot of the parents want to have more laughter at home, they want to be able to laugh at their mistakes and they want to teach their children to laugh more. Humor and laughter is such a valuable life skill. Adults with a sense of humor can handle some of the challenges in life more easily…and bring joy to others while they do it. Even though sometimes your children’s sense of play and humor can be a challenge when they are really young, it will also be an asset to them as adults. The challenge for you (which you have recognized in your question) is how to guide these playful kids so that they can get a sense of balance and appropriateness without squelching something very important.

Here are some ideas: One of the basic ideas of Positive Discipline is that children don’t create mischief to “get back” at you or just to create problems. They create mischief to get a better sense of belonging and significance. Bed time problems are common (especially in younger children) because that is when parents say “goodbye” for the night. It’s hard for some kids to hold onto their feeling of belonging and significance at that transition so they do what they can to “hold on”… to you. In some families it is tantrums and stubborn refusals or repeated requests for water or stories. In your family it sounds like it’s a prolonged game (from the kid’s point of view). Here are some of the things that help kids make the transition.

At a time other than the evening, talk about bedtime. What needs to happen? What is the routine? What do they need before bedtime? (For these youngsters it sounds like some before or after dinner fun and games would be pretty important). Helping them make a list and a visual chart of things that happen will help. You can cut pictures out of magazines of a book, tooth brushes, something that symbolizes the type of games they play and put them on a large sheet of paper so that they can “see” the routine. The more you let them do, the more effective it will be. Talk about how things will happen at bedtime. Some families even rehearse the whole show in the morning or afternoon, to see if it will work, and ask the kids if anything needs to be changed.

Even when the child’s response is laughter, the process of kindly and firmly (with NO words) putting them back to bed will work. It will not be magic the first night. Three or four nights of the identical response from you will help your playful kids get the message. (I’m going to repeat the “no words” from you part. Words seem to give children ammunition to defeat us.) Plan this so you have 4 nights in a row where you can be consistent (and will have the energy to keep your own sense of humor). Remember to let them know what you will be doing. “We worked together to make sure bedtime would be smooth and to make sure thatyou have what you need before bedtime. After bedtime, if you come for more fun and games we will just kindly and firmly put you back in your bed without talking”.

It will help if you get rid of your “button” around laughter. Kids know what our buttons are, and they love to push them. When they laugh at inappropriate times, smile, and think about Hawaii or something so it doesn’t affect you. Then kindly and firmly continue with the plan you have discussed with them in advance.

Just a word on time outs. Kids “misbehave” and create “mischief” when they are not feeling good, don’t feel belonging, or don’t feel important. It is hard to do better when you are feeling bad. The idea behind a “positive” timeout is to help a child learn how to restore themselves and feel better. It is not a time to make them feel worse. Parents can help their children plan ahead for times when they need to re-gather themselves by asking what kind of things might make the child feel better. Some families set up a bag, or box or special place for each child to go when they need to regroup. Coming out laughing would be a very successful outcome of a time out. That does not mean that the problem that made the parent realize that the child was feeling bad was solved (yet). AFTER the child is feeling better (and is really cooled off) you can help your child figure out a solution to the problem. Kids can be pretty creative problem solvers when they are feeling good. Sometimes the person who REALLY needs a time out is the parent. It is great to say to your kids…I am feeling grumpy right now…and I need to go take some time out to feel better. When my kids were younger I kept a comic book in the bathroom so I could read something humorous and cool down for a few moments. I came out when I felt better…and most often the things that were pushing my buttons weren’t really a problem when I felt better.

The ideas that are the foundation for Positive Discipline may seem pretty different than the kind of discipline that we grew up with. They are for most of us. Now that you have played with some approaches you might be interested in understanding the concepts a little more. You might find that it is helpful to read either Jane Nelsen’s book Positive Discipline, or Positive Discipline for Preschoolers (By Nelsen, Erwin, Duffy). These books provide a more complete context for the Positive Discipline approach. Another book that is filled with great non-punitive ideas is Positive Time Out and 50 Other Ways to Avoid Power Struggles in Homes and Classrooms.

Best wishes!

Jody McVittie MD, Positive Discipline Associate

PS. Just imagine 10 years from now. This might be a really fun family story: “Kids you were so GOOFY when you were little, we actually wrote for advice because when we tried to teach you to go to bed by yourselves all you would do is laugh!” Stories like these help families enjoy themselves for a long time.

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Politik – Penting Ga Penting

Sebagai anak minoritas yang besar di masa orde baru, saya tumbuh sebagai orang yang apatis terhadap politik, karena toh di jaman itu partai mana pun yang menang hidup akan begitu-begitu saja.

Ketika pindah ke Singapur pun sikap apatis saya tetap terbawa, apalagi di rumah tidak ada pernah buka TV jadi tidak pernah dicekoki berita politik lokal. Sampai suatu hari saya mengalami kejadian yang cukup memalukan.

Suatu hari di awal saya mulai bekerja, tiba-tiba hujan besar ketika saya mau berangkat kerja, pas banget payung lipat saya rusak jadilah saya mengambil payung panjang di rumah (punya landlord saya waktu itu). Payungnya berwarna biru polos dengan lingkaran merah yang saya ga perhatikan logonya…

Sesampainya di kantor, seperti kebiasaan kami payung itu pun saya buka dan jejerkan di lorong menuju toilet (supaya kering), heboh lah beberapa orang menanyakan payung itu, sampai akhirnya rekan kerja saya berbaik hati menjelaskan bahwa payung itu berlogo partai oposisi nomor 1 waktu itu! LOL

Untuk lebih paham konteksnya, bawa-bawa payung itu tuh sudah hampir selevel dengan memakai barang berlogo PKI di tahun 90an, terlebih lagi saya tinggal di Ang Mo Kio yang daerahnya PM sekarang, alamak…

Akhirnya setelah itu jadi memperbanyak baca referensi politik, minimal tahu partai yang ada, dan ternyata menarik juga apalagi tahun ini akan ada Pemilu-nya mereka, yang banyak orang bilang agak anomali karena efek Covid-19. Kalo saya pribadi sih cuma hepi karena di hari votingnya tanggal 10 Juli saya libur hehehehe…

Ps. Untuk yang mau tahu omongan netral tentang pemilu sinciapo, bisa dengar podcast Yah Lah But… Mereka rilis setiap hari selama masa kampanye ini. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0w7UsgyQ7sH67M9vyvYxZN?si=6TFu4l0QQCGJv5pZomcR0w

Sumber: wikipedia
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Spotify List – June 2020

It’s been 3 months plus working from home, and i super enjoy it! One of the reason is because i could work while listening to music on speaker out loud. At office i had to use earphone and it hurts my ear when i use it for more than 1 hour.

Another thing i notice also a lot of songs that i like has explicit lyric 😦 so when my girl is around i have to turn it off… i could make separate playlist but just too lazy to do so. Why the songwriter nowadays don’t make poetic lyric as much as the old song…

There are some very old JJ Lin songs in the list, which i just started listen again to practice my rusty mandarin listening. I also learning ukulele version of eight-IU and deathbed (coffee for your head), because these 2 songs has the simple version and is really good to play on ukulele ^^

K-drama: AOY, Signal, Reply 1988

(Post ini sudah nongkrong di draft dari 2016 😆😆😆)

Saya awalnya bukan penggemar K-drama, tapi entah bagaimana belakangan ini akhirnya waktu saya (amat-sangat) banyak dihabiskan untuk nonton k-drama 🙈, sia-sia banget ya hahah tapi efektif banget sih buat menghilangkan stres di kantor. Dalam 5 bulan saja berikut k-drama yang sudah saya sikat habis

  1. Cheese in the trap

Awal tertarik nonton CITT ini karena tertarik dengan Kim Go-Eun sejak dia jadi guest di Happy Together, salut karena dia menang best new comer di film layar lebar dan dia termasuk artis yang ga tergoda oplas. Ternyata memang ceritanya menarik, lucu dan romantis ABG ala-ala komik gitu (karena memang dibuat berdasarkan webtoon sih), uniknya lagi tokoh cowo utamanya merangkap antagonis juga jadi cool tapi agak sadis juga. Sayangnya karena webtoonnya masih ongoing (saat dramanya masih diputar) jadi endingnya gantung hiks..

Salah satu scene yang lucu:

Ost favorit:

2. Age of youth

AOY ini saya tahu dari forum dan twitter banyak banget yang rekomen, dan ternyata memang bagus bangeeeeeet… Ceritanya tentang persahabatan 5 cewe anak kost bareng yang masing-masing punya rahasia kelam.

Saya suka banget sama seri ini karena alurnya pas, ga dragging di awal dan endingnya pun tidak terasa diburu-buru. Porsi masing-masing karakter hampir rata pembagiannya, dan akting semua pemerannya OK banget terutama Han Ye Ri, salut banget bagaimana dia bisa memerankan cewe yang ‘dingin’ tapi ga jadi kaku juga.

Cuma sayang cowo di AOY ini yang cakep cuma ada satu.. sisanya yaah…

3. Signal

Saya sebenarnya bukan penggemar film detektif korea karena biasanya heroicnya agak lebay, tapi karena kecantol Lee Je Hoon yang saya liat sekilas di Infinite Challenge jadi iseng coba nonton deh, dan ternyata setelah nonton sampai habis saya malah jadi kecantol sama Cho Jin Woong (loh) hahaha.. karena karakternya cool dan aktingnya pas banget+ga lebay 😍

source: blog.asianwiki.com

4. Reply 1988

Mulai nonton Reply 1988 karena sudah kehabisan tontonan hihi… Serial yang satu ini bener-bener bikin ngakak tapi juga bikin nangis-nangis terharu karena bisa dibilang setengah porsi film mengangkat tema keluarga, bukan hanya cinta-cintaan melulu.

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Tim Jong Pal!